–verb (used with object)
1.
to provide the choreography for: to choreograph a musicalcomedy.
2.
to manage, maneuver, or direct: The author is a genius atchoreographing a large cast of characters.
(thank you dictionary.com)
A discovery. Not another reinvention of myself (laughing out loud). But a discovery (realization, comprehension, awareness, cognizance, consciousness, grasp, recognition, understanding, thank you thesaurus.com).
That's who I am. I love to be choreographed.
See, there was this article in September's ScrapStreet titled "My Style". But I think I was pouty from the beginning because we had to define ourselves with stamps and stamps are literally the last supply I use. Doesn't matter how super cute stamps are (and those digital stamps by Phindy's Place were super cute!) they just don't agree with me. And I don't like the way I sounded when typing, nor did I love my projects. Chip-on-my-shoulder scrapbooking, if you will.
Now, I don't mind the page I wrote. I even had opportunity to read it a month or so after I wrote it and I still didn't mind the article. My favorite part is in the design notes of the second project that says: "I found this project much like myself: imperfect, challenging, and sometimes better on the second try."
I've had very little scrapping time lately, but very much time to really think about myself, my life, where I am and where I'm going. As the kids get older and define me less, I guess I'm in a state of rediscovery. I'm not sure what started my train of thought, but it went something like this:
In music, I played piano, but I had to be extremely practiced and was only a concert pianist. I couldn't play from mere chords. I needed pages and notes and lots and lots of practice time. I still sing the same way.
When acting on stage, I have to work very, very hard at memorizing my script (and still usually forgot plenty). Forget improvisation - it wasn't for me and I usually made an ass out of myself. I needed to be first scripted and then extra rehearsed.
In gymnastics, I didn't get good at covering mistakes until I was late in college. As the sport went, I did better when I was choreographed, practiced and in control. In control enough to go out on autopilot or, as we liked to call it "Going Brainless". Perhaps that's why my best event became floor, where I could perform but only when extremely disciplined.
My favorite way to be led is by the Bible. (= Certainly don't mind following there!
Seeing where I'm going here?
Well, heck then, doesn't that explain a lot when it comes to scrapbooking? My favorite layouts come from sketches. See the similarity? The basic groundwork is laid and then I get to elaborate. The only things I like better than scrapping from sketches are scraplifts - using others' pages as inspiration. I've tried not to make this habit, I've only done less than a handful; but the pages that result are, by far, my favorite pages. Again, it's because I got to turn something scripted into my own.
I guess I originally had trouble with this realization because I remember growing up being told 'be a leader'. 'Be a leader'. 'Be a leader'. But I never was. I was always better on a team. It wasn't until lately that I realized that I need to teach my kids not necessarily to be a leader, but to have a mind of your own. Make your own decisions. Follow what you think and know to be right. Not what the crowd is doing and certainly not what any ol' leader is doing.
Wait? What does that have to do with being better off as choreographed? Oh yeah, back on track. I constantly feel bad about not being innovative. About not being unique. About not having a style. About not being the first to do this. Or not being the one that thought up to do that.
Choreographed. That is me. Practiced. That is me. Scripted. That is me. Sketched. That, too, is me.
You're about to see my blog title changed. I'm still me, just morphing and getting to know myself better. And finally coming to terms and being happy with the fact that I live and create better...
when choreographed.
What was borne from that is a simple two-pager. It's not ground-breaking. It's not state-of-the-art. It's not even all that current. But when my four-year-old picked up the pages to take a look (okay, downright pushed me out of the way of photographing them!), it made my heart beat a little warmer.
After all, that's what counts, right?
