rejection sux

it does. really. getting dumped from 2 - yes 2 - idol contests in 2 - yes 2! - days. Let's just say I've had better weeks. March was pretty lucky for me, I'd say. However, I'm just not expecting much from April.

I wonder...and I'd love to know - the scrappers we call our mentors, our inspiration, why don't we see them talk of rejection? Have they never experienced it? By not talking about it, does that somehow immortalize them? We read what they write in foofy magazines, but never really get to know the real them?

Well, this is me. All me. Disappointed. Sad. A little ticked off. Well, wouldn't you be? C'mon! Sometimes it's so sweet you can taste it, although it may be miles away. I'm tempted to say, "Well, that's the last time I'm taking a risk," as was the challenge for Scrap-Tastic - I took a risk and really went for it, doing something so completely out of my comfort zone that I almost didn't do it at all. But. Not good enough. I had unbelievable support from family, friends, scrappers and people I didn't even know knew me! But. Not good enough. Thing is - I loved both of my projects this week, for both idols. I told mom earlier this week that the ones I love are the ones that don't make it. How true it is.

Someone told me I could always try next year and my initial response was..."ummm...no thanks." Not sure it's something I'd want to do twice. But, you know what? That's not entirely true. I've been a competitor all my life, enter gymnastics for 18 years. I'll never *not* try. I'm realizing that I fear regret more than failure. I'd rather make it this far and not be chosen to finish, than to not try at all. So, someone remind me next time 'round, k?

However - the good news is, I've got plenty to keep my mind off of things. Like the Cadbury minis and 10 packs of Orbit bubble mint we just bought at BJ's. Like 2 crops at 2 of my favorite places coming up (CMK & TTT). Like "competing" with some of my favorite people - favorite scrappers - for a team scrapper thing and getting to laugh with them behind the scenes. {GO LEMONDROPS!} Like my next attempt at being a "STAR" at ScrapStreet. Thing is, life will go on. And, as soon as this stream of consciousness ends, so will mine.

One last thanks "to all my fans", lol - I've got support coming from angles I never knew existed. Fans in friends that I did know. So thanks...for the rant, for the fun, for the support, for the encouragement, for the laughs, for the tears. *whew* do I feel better!!